This is what I have and this is what I fear. I fear that God will forsake me because of my fear. God is real but fear is continually shoving him/her aside. Hence the daily meetings as I quietly listen; but the noise in my head is loud but not clear. At times the honesty of others in the room peeks through and I am relieved but only momentarily.  Then I turn and read what is being said on the various websites and realize that few hit the nail and much of the rhetoric is hollow. The room that I go to will be filled with honesty as the others arrive.

I am an alcoholic but at a deeper level I am a fearaholic.

     I become disoriented when struck by fear and like a drowning man pull my rescuers in with me. Alcohol and other liniments are not the cause of my problem. I run in fear like the primitive humans did before the dawn of what we now call civilization. When in fear I become less of a man and more like the primitive beast of my ancestors. Can I find within myself a way to face the fear and make the next right move? So far I reach out to others who might have the answer to my built in primitive terror. They are kind as always.  They seem so wise and I feel my foolishness and slip away again into the haze of my private reality. Can I possibly find a shield against fear?